Softening the Inner Critic: Therapy with the Parts Lens.
The voice most people struggle with
Most people I work with know this voice well.
It shows up:
when we make a mistake
when we try something new
when we feel exposed or unsure
It might sound like:
“You’re not good enough”
“You’ve messed this up again”
“Don’t even try—you’ll fail”
For some people, the inner critic is relentless. inner critic therapy
For others, it’s more ambiant but still shapes decisions in the background.
Why fighting the inner critic doesn’t work
A lot of people try to:
silence it
argue with it, with “I shoulds,”
replace it with positive thinking”
But this often creates another layer of struggle.
In Internal Family Systems, The inner critic isn’t the enemy—it’s a part of you trying to help, even if it’s doing it in a harsh way.
This sits at the heart of Internal Family Systems and overlaps strongly with schema work.
A different shift: from fighting to getting curious
Instead of asking:
“How do I get rid of this voice?”
The question becomes the following:
“What is this part of me trying to do?”
“Why does this part of me make sense in the context of my experience, my family of orif
This shift alone can change a lot.
Because underneath the criticism, there’s usually:
fear of failure
fear of rejection
fear of being exposed or not enough
The critic is often trying to protect you from something.
How to start working with your inner critic therapy
This isn’t about analysing yourself—it’s about relating differently to what’s happening inside.
Here’s a simple way to begin:
1. Notice where you feel it
The critic isn’t just a thought—it often shows up in the body.
You might notice:
pressure in your head
tightness in your chest
a sinking feeling in your stomach
2. Separate from it (just slightly)
Instead of:
“I’m so useless”
Try:
“There’s a part of me saying I’m useless”
That small shift creates space.
3. Get curious about its role
You might ask internally:
“What are you trying to do for me?”
“What are you worried would happen if you stopped?”
This is often where things change.
4. Listen for what’s underneath
The answer is usually not:
“I want to hurt you”
It’s more like:
“I don’t want you to fail again”
“I’m trying to keep you from being rejected”
“I don’t want you to be embarrassed”
Often, this part formed early—and learned this strategy because it worked at the time.
What begins to change
When you relate to the critic this way, a few shifts tend to happen:
it softens (instead of getting louder)
you feel less dominated by it
you understand your patterns more clearly
you develop more self-trust
And importantly:
you don’t have to get rid of it to feel better.
Why this matters in therapy
In therapy, we’re not trying to eliminate parts of you.
We’re trying to:
understand them
reduce internal conflict
create more space and choice
Working this way—whether through parts work, schema therapy, or somatic awareness—helps you move from:
self-criticism → self-understanding
reactivity → responsiveness
shame → compassion
